02: The Why of Brain Balance Through Community and Structure
About Brooke Stoll
With nearly a decade of experience in the interior design industry, Brooke specializes in optimizing people, processes, and profitability to help design firms take on fewer, higher-value projects while minimizing overwhelm. By working closely with firms nationwide, she's gained valuable insights into the strategies that have enabled them to scale successfully, reaching seven-figure revenues. Brooke's goal is to empower design professionals to work smarter, not harder, and achieve sustainable growth without sacrificing creativity or quality.
Raised in North Carolina by a family with deep roots in the furniture and interior design industry, Brooke was immersed in the world of design from an early age. After earning a degree in business, she began her career at an exceptional design firm in Charlotte, NC. It was there that she discovered her true passion: helping interior design businesses thrive by focusing on the strategic and operational side of the industry.
When Brooke is not working, you’ll find her walking her two rescue pups, exploring new restaurants with her husband, or unwinding by the beach with a crisp glass of Sauvignon Blanc—her favorite way to relax on a summer getaway.
Transcript
Laurel (00:03.96)
Well, hello, Brooke. I'm here today with someone that is very dear to me and Sydney. And we're here to talk to her just about the why she is. Brooke Stoll is the owner of Brooke Stoll Strategic Consulting. She helps interior designers top into their flow by increasing their efficiency in systems. And Brooke.
One of the things that I love hearing you talk about is people's zone of genius. I know it's something that motivated me to embrace systems more. And I just want to reflect that back to you. think one of the things that I see you bring to the world is believing in other people that they, there is space for them to share their zone of genius more if they embrace systems, organization, people to help them do the things they want. we have Brooke.
here today. She is also a very proud and loving dog mom. And we may welcome in some stories about your furry friends as well, because you know, Sid and I love dogs as well. So welcome, Brooke. Thanks for joining us today.
Yeah, thank you so, much for having me. I'm so excited to chat with you. I was telling Sydney before Laurel got on this call that if Laurel asked me to do anything, I would do it. So I was more than happy to be here and I'm to chat with you.
Well, yes, welcome. So we sent you a little bit about what we're trying to do here. And, you know, I think one of my zones of genius is finding the places in people's stories that might seem like bad things or really big, stressful, icky things. And my brain naturally just sees how they are examples of
Laurel (01:54.872)
people's resilience and their light and how they and their unique brains are perfectly designed really for their lives. So I would love to hear about a time where you've experienced a big stress or you noticed that your body was really stressed out maybe because it was an accumulation of things. And just kind of your realization around that point where you're like, wow,
This is big and I'm gonna have to adapt to make it through this. So, welcome just a story that you feel drawn to share around that.
Yeah, yeah, I think entrepreneurship is hard. There's no way around that. can be free and isolating. The way I've chosen to grow my business is without a traditional team. So I have contractors that work for me, but they are virtual. And I think that the ups and downs of entrepreneurship are really unique, especially in my industry, the interior design industry.
Brooke (02:57.71)
I started my business in 2019 and our industry saw a huge boom when COVID happened because everyone was investing in their homes. So business was amazing.
Many of us thought about that, but you're so right, right? We were sitting home like, what can we change? We can't leave. I think I need to repaint maybe an accent wall in every room of my house.
noticing everything that was wrong with the house I just bought.
Yeah, yeah, and no one was traveling, right? So they had discretionary income to reinvest in their homes. So industry saw a huge boom, obviously several years after that, it normalized, so things slowed down. So I think I have always kind of been in this fight or flight, for lack of better words, of like, my gosh, I'm really overwhelmed. I have way too much on my plate. I don't know how I can do it all versus
a very scarcity mindset, which is like, my gosh, I haven't gotten a lead in X amount of days, or I've had two people say no to pricing or something that makes me really retreat and go in and be very anxious or self-conscious or overthink the way that I'm doing things. And still to this day, I'm trying to master that beautiful ground of feeling like I have enough and feeling very confident in where I stand, but I do feel like I'm just
Brooke (04:21.144)
constantly in this state of too much or not enough, too much or not enough.
Yeah, I mean, I think so many people can relate to when things kind of get bad, then we really work hard, and then when they're good, we're like, we made it. And it's hard to stay zoomed out of most industries, most businesses have an ebb and flow and there's like a natural, know, kind of, it's high demand, then people are interested in a different.
you know, way to spend their disposable income or, you know, mental health now is all about exercise and eating, right? And I don't need to go to therapy because the sun's out. But I'm curious just to help paint a picture. Can you think of a time where you felt particularly kind of stuck in that stress, the stress part of the cycle? And, you know, maybe
how you realized that you needed to do something differently.
Mmm.
Brooke (05:26.574)
I feel like this stress cycle for me is pretty ongoing to be totally transparent. But at the end of last year, I was in the part of the stress cycle where there was just too much. I was completely overwhelmed and I was completely burnt out. And for somebody that teaches people and shows people and guides people how to build their businesses to prevent overwhelm, it's always a nice reality check when you're in the seat of overwhelm.
So yeah, end of last year, was pretty, I was exhausted to put it lightly. And my sweet husband and I, we were planning my birthday and I was like, I just want to rent a cabin and not talk to anybody for five days. And I'm a very extroverted social person, so that's very unique for me. And that was exactly what I needed was to just like unplug, not talk to anyone for five days. And then, you know, spend the holidays, of course, the holidays.
The holidays are an extra level of stress sometimes with families and all the things. So coming back into January and my word for this year is space. So trying to create space to prevent that overwhelm coming off of a really, really stressful November, December when I really got to the point of burnout.
well, and I'm curious hearing you say space. What does that mean to you?
Yeah, I love that. And it's something I've been working on with Laurel. You know, I felt like in January, I had all this space, physical space in my calendar to not feel like I was rushing from one appointment to the next appointment. I want to be very intentional with my time and intentional with my clients and honor their investment and honor their time because there's nothing more valuable than time.
Brooke (07:18.328)
So making sure that I have the physical space to, I mean, honestly, be well-prepared, be completely committed and focused to just them and not thinking about other things, but also have the physical space to walk my dogs or take a workout class at two o'clock if I want and not feel super stressed out about it. Really to have this space to honor the commitments that I want and then to refill my cup with things like walk my dogs or.
volunteering at the animal rescue that I love or doing, you know, just going on a walk or spending time with friends and not feeling so overwhelmed because I have so much to do when I get back to work.
Yeah, that you added in these, I'm hearing like so many adaptive pockets of space that you're trying really hard to protect. And I'm curious, because I know this is something you're still in, like you're still running a business, there's still shit coming up every day, I'm sure. And so in the present, when you're reminded of that experience at the end of last year, when everything just felt really big, what stands out to you now?
Yeah, I love that question. think part of it is boundaries, right? Saying, no, I can't do a meeting then. I already have too many meetings. But honestly, community is really what has changed my business and has made such a huge impact on my business. Laurel and I are in a mastermind group together. And it's this group of eight just absolutely magnetic, smart, engaging individuals that
We all come from different backgrounds and have different businesses. But the cool thing about us all being so different is when I'm struggling with something or I'm feeling really low, there's usually somebody that their strength mirrors my weakness or that I can go to and they've been through something before like that. And they're really helpful. And I am somebody that I'm a fixer. So if I come to you with a problem, I usually don't just want to vent, I want a solution.
Brooke (09:17.814)
and they are really, really great at being that way. and then also, think. Might be getting a little off track here, but also just having a good support system at home, I think is so, so important to realize that like, at the end of the day, it's not the big deal. I'm not saving lives. and you know, if everything went to shit, basically, I would still be okay because what matters is like my husband and my dogs in my four unit at home.
and the relationships in my life. And if I burned down the whole business tomorrow, like I would still be okay, which is a hard thing to think about, but it is nice to have that like core center at home that feels really safe to go back to after something that might feel a little bit frivolous once you're out of
Well, Brooke, first of all, like you're totally on topic because we're asking you about how you navigated all of this. and the thing that came up for me, you know, is this, you're talking about two concepts, one overwhelmed meetings, doing, working, and then also community and support. And so, you know, from thinking about how that maps out in your brain, and I see this a lot, people that their zone of genius is organization and systems.
They have a very strong default mode network left prefrontal cortex, right? Like Excel is something that decreases your stress versus me. I'm like, this is not pretty and I don't want to look at it. But the problem with that side of the brain is that it's very disconnected from the present moment. And it's good at disconnecting from the part of our brain, the limbic system where connection, attachment, emotions sit.
And so it's really easy when we overpack our schedule with productive task oriented things that we're just in the checklist part of our brain and we're like, okay, I know this works and this works. And if I get back a, this kind of feedback, that's a check mark. And the, the key for balanced brains is how are you shifting into more of the central executive network, which is like more right side, present focus, creative.
Laurel (11:32.972)
checking in of like, wow, I just gave Laurel a really good system, but she's stuck on the fact it's not color coded. And so she's not listening to me anymore. Right? It's like, that might very well be the best system for me. And you're good at giving it, but like, I'm like, it's ugly Brooke. I don't want to look at it. So I'm not opening it. When we're balanced, right? When we have taken the time to walk the dog or have coffee with our friends, I think we're, our brains just
and
Laurel (12:02.828)
we got so much validation from getting into the present, starting to pick up on non-verbals, that we're better at seeing those facial expressions from our clients or our partners or even our puppies that are like, you know, like, why aren't we walking? Walk time, Brooke. And so I love that because what I'm hearing is that you found actually, I would guess that by prioritizing things that kind of get you out of the taskmaster side of your brain,
into the connection doing, it's much easier to stay balanced at work because you have that natural back and forth swing. So, you know, from a neuroscience standpoint, makes sense. I love it. Great plan. You're, you're, you're, so support the healthy brain balance.
I just love it.
Yeah, I just love your ability to take that, you know, fire hose of information I just gave you and be like, yeah, makes perfect sense in your brain. I think that's so beautiful about you. But I think you're you're hitting the nail on the head.
Well, and one of our questions, and I know if you're just joining us, we send Brooke three questions to really deep dive into. And one of them is like, how did you learn and adapt so that now when you're stressed, you can draw from that innate wisdom and strength? And I hear a lot of that is what's coming up with that balance.
Brooke (13:28.396)
Yeah, I think that, you know, I lost my dad when I was younger. And so I have one older sister and my mom, we really had to lean on each other. And that was our core unit. And although it might be unhealthily codependent at times, like, I know that no matter what, can call them and they would drop anything and be here. And they are like that for everyone in their life. I was raised in a very relationship dependent
Like I said, maybe to the point of codependent, very, you know, we invest in relationships, we treat friends like family. And so I feel like I've kept that throughout my whole life and always realized that the person is more important than the task. That's very hard to remember sometimes. But, and I really resonate with what you said, Laurel, about like, I do live in a zone where like, it's hard for me to have a salary.
Like even if I'm just like folding laundry, like I'm being productive and that feels good. And I think that's also from the way I was raised. But I think that I was raised in a home where community and people were and relationships were everything and they were how you got through stuff. And so even talking about this and realizing it, that's kind of how I get to things now.
Laurel (14:44.598)
Yeah, and I also just, for people that are listening, wanna validate when you come from families that love each other a lot, and that is a source of support and a lot of the good stuff. It is also normal though, when the system is struggling, when you're spending time there and the emotions are big, that you want to escape that for a bit and work, school.
those very easily quantifiable, if I do these 10 things, I get an A, or if I do these 10 things, then someone pays me. Those are pretty far away from feeling. And so it's a really adaptive way in our culture to hide out from emotions. And the thing is, is we need that sometimes, right? There's only so much...
big emotions that I can hold space for for the people closest to me in my life. And my capacity for that is much bigger than like someone I don't know or someone in therapy, right? Like, but it's still limited. And so to take those breaks and to go somewhere like work where I am good, right? I know I'm good at this. Work is easier most of the time than our interpersonal relationships for many of us, right? So we hide out there because we get this external validation. We know we're being productive.
And this is just sort of that reminder of like, it's okay that that has happened, but don't mistake the discomfort you had in that acute moment, because the people or you were struggling big. There's still the people you love the most. And so if you want the love, the connection, the happiness, the joy, you gotta go back. And there may still be sadness and hurt, but like the good stuff exists there. And I think most of the time, even just consciously noticing that we...
needed an emotional break is enough to be like, and that's my mom, so of course I'm going to go back because I need a mom hug or whatever it is. I just want to say that because I think in that pendulation that we see between like, oh, I'm going to do all the things that fill me up and then I'm going to go into work, people that are drawn to intensity, which is me too, I kind of have to remember. think it's almost like
Laurel (16:59.502)
people setting the timer for social media. Like I have to set the timer on my calendar to go back and do the fun stuff because I will get hyper focused in work. I'll just one more thing, like one more project.
And I think...
you and people who are very systems minded have really given me permission. Like that's okay to put like the reminder in your calendar to take care of yourself. Like that's a good system, Laurel. don't. So, anyway, thank you for sharing like kind of your, how you come at this with people that are like me who are less calendar system organized. Cause I think.
Yeah.
Laurel (17:41.836)
the balance between those two types of brains are like really kind of the sweet spot of productivity. So anyway, that's what comes up for me when I listen. Sid, I'm curious because Brooke has mentioned how much her dogs help. So I'm just curious what comes up for you when you think of like people that dogs being outside is one of their, can you pull in why that?
is so impactful because I love hearing you talk about this.
Yeah, so I'm a big believer that anything that we can, like we feel in our nervous system can be physicalized and represented on the outside. And that can be through movement, but it can also be through connection. And the connection we have with our animal is unparalleled. It is most of the time a secure attachment.
to me.
Laurel (18:37.656)
I just want to add in that Sydney's dog is behind her, therapy dog. And like, yeah, she just perked up. And also when Sid started talking, she was like, yeah, you got this mom, like, us.
I'm
Sydney (18:49.326)
Well, and then you pull in the neuroscience behind it too of dogs are mammals, right? Just like we are mammals and their mirror neurons are firing. So Brooke, can you tell when your dog's having a bad day or doesn't feel well, even though they can't communicate overtly with you?
Oh god, of course. And it like wrecks me. Like I can't pay attention to anything else. I feel like I'm not a sensitive person, but like if one of my dogs like breaks the nail, I cry and I will not cry in three months. Like I am a puddle with them.
And that makes a lot of sense to me given your unique brain because you're telling us overtly that community and connection is what helps you thrive and what's better to be connected to than animals. Right.
They love you every day.
Like, so Molly, she's right here. We have had a roller coaster of a week with this dog. This is my therapy dog. I've never had to be a therapist without her. She is a big part of my day in and day out. And she threw up twice, twice. And I was like, this is out of character. I'm going to take her to the vet. Things aren't really adding up. Thousands later, blood tests also found we found out that it was either cancer or it was an autoimmune disorder. And life just got really real.
Sydney (20:14.668)
All of a sudden, everything shattered from underneath me and I had to figure out the same what we're talking about, pulling from my innate sense of wisdom and the way my brain makes sense of it. And Brooke, I'm learning you and I are very connected in the way we think about things and how we approach the world. I needed a sense of community because I wasn't certain how it was gonna go. We get to the end, it's an autoimmune disorder, it's terminal.
and my life looks different, I can take a breath. But I had to find a way to physically get that out. Whether that's talking, movement, I probably called Laurel more times than one should call their friend.
That's not a thing.
But it is this innate connection and this attachment that I really wanted to protect. But it goes back to the fact that her mirror and her arms were firing and telling me something was off. We pick up on that with other mammals, whether they're human, dogs, cats, or anything in between.
Laurel (21:22.03)
So Brooke, I see you connecting to this story and also just tracking what we've been talking about. I'm curious with this context and these stories about a time or what's a way that when you do get into overwork mode or you get big news like that and it's so easy to do the what if spiral, what are some activities that you now use with all the work you've put in to get out of your head, to kind of get.
get moving again to be able to shift perspectives.
Yeah, think there's, you know, one thing that I think is such an off perspective is I really have to schedule those moments like you were saying, Laurel. And sometimes when things feel really rigid, have to, that rigidity gives me, creates a space for me to relax. And yeah, so it's like, I have to be rigid to be able to create space to relax. So the physical activities,
definitely like walking my dogs being outside is such it fills my cup so much especially now that it's light after 530 p.m. It's so beautiful because I am not a morning person and I think I mean I talk on the phone probably more than most people do because I'm working home alone you know all day every day so anytime I have you know a funky feeling or I get off a call that didn't really go well or I get bad news
the first thing I'm doing is like calling someone in my life and connecting with them. And then to physically, when I just feel drained, it's really like scheduling self care. And for me, that usually looks like a massage where no one can talk to me for an hour. Like I'm not somebody that chats with their massage therapist. And for an hour, I just totally disconnect. And honestly, it's usually when I have my most creative thoughts.
Brooke (23:17.58)
So it's usually when I get excited about things and I walk out of that massage feeling relaxed, but also recharged and excited to go back into things. So usually it's either connecting or pulling away from like computer, social media, phone, and like getting outside, going on a walk, getting a massage, something where it's like I am physically disconnected from the thing that makes me productive or traditionally productive.
like that idea of you like find yourself feeling rigid and so you don't try and like shame yourself or change the rigidity. You'd work with that because it is a default setting for you and one that's made you very successful, right? Your ability to do that. And then you put in the box where you can have no rigidity and like just be and find like the next energy. So I love
that you created a system that works perfectly for you, that doesn't ask you to change, it meets your brain where it's at and then has created space for the outcome which you know you want, which is sometimes to be less rigid and more free flowing and creative. So what a great example of how to not shame yourself out of your natural setting and also add in the thing that you know in your head you need, but you're disconnected to the part of your
body really that gives it to you.
Well, that's what building off of that what came up for me Laurel was that mind and body connection and it's so interesting to me that the way that you get out of your head is you do something that Automatically will drop you into your body At a four person I love the visual of like a volume knob like in the car and I hear you intentionally like turning the volume down but also getting to a point where you can turn it off in Order to get into your body
Brooke (25:04.194)
And I'm a
Brooke (25:20.386)
Yeah, I'm a big all or nothing when it comes to work. So I'm either at work or I'm on vacation. I'm not somebody that's, you know, like, I'll just check my email a few times or, I can take a call on vacation. When I'm checked out, I really want to be checked out. So my mental load can really relax and not have to worry about, I have to call her at 9 a.m. or whatever it may be. So it's really creating very rigid buckets and creating systems.
to allow me to relax, which is what I do for my clients. And it's what I love so much because again, entrepreneurship is so, there's so many daily ups and downs. And so if we can create an entrepreneurship system to honor what we love and what our personal goals are and what we really want to accomplish, because at the end of the day, we're not living to work, we work to live, right? I think it makes,
entrepreneurship so much more.
Laurel (26:23.308)
love that advice Brooke. I'm curious if, and I'm gonna like maybe push you a little bit. Yeah. For people that resonate with what you say in terms of like the organization and liking the structure, but maybe aren't entrepreneurs. Do you feel like there's any like lessons you've learned? Cause I know you also have worked corporate, you you come from a family that was in the furniture industry and like you, have awareness of other industries.
What growth points, like maybe you learned the hard way or you've seen people you love that line up with how your brain works but maybe apply to people that don't have all the autonomy and freedom that entrepreneurs hopefully have. What would you say to them or what would you share to them?
Yeah, that's a really great question. I think being a woman, and especially a young woman in corporate is hard. My first job out of college was in a corporate setting and my bosses were two older males and I was just there to please. I I would do anything they said at the drop of a hat and it got very inappropriate and I went to a really, really dark place and
My anxiety was awful. was having panic attacks at work because I felt like I was never enough. And no matter what I did that I thought would please them, I could not please them. And I was really being taken advantage of. So I think that going to the deepest, darkest spot has made me who I am today. And I say all that to say, now looking back, you know, with many years between us, I can see where
Oh my gosh, Brooke, this had nothing to do with you. Like it didn't matter if you did everything they asked or nothing they asked. They were going to take advantage of you. You were, you know, a 21, 22 year old fresh out of college. Like you just, I didn't have the self-respect and the boundaries to stand up for myself and you know, do what I now know would have been right. But it's funny because now as a 30 year old, I see my husband and he works for a big corporate company.
Brooke (28:41.166)
And my gosh, his boundaries. like, I could have never like as a female, if I would have held the boundaries that he holds, I feel like I would have been called a bitch and like I wouldn't have been that I was going above and beyond. So it is so complex because I still feel like from the outside looking back, I still feel like there's this imbalance between men and women in traditional corporate settings. I think
men are respected for having boundaries and women sometimes can be, you know, not respected for their boundaries and say they're not doing enough and they're, you know, bitchy or whatever it may be. So I think my advice for someone, whether you're a man or a woman or anything is to realize that it is just work at the end of the day and connecting with those things outside of work and remembering again, we don't live to work, we work to live.
At the end of the day, you're doing X to get Y and that's usually a paycheck. So it's like, if X isn't worth it to get Y, then there's 85 million other X's out, right? Like it is just a job and that is physically sometimes impossible to see when you're in it. For me, it was, it got to the point where I literally had such a bad panic attack at work, I could never go back. But now looking back, I'm like, my God, why did I let it get that?
It was just work. was just a paycheck. It wasn't that big of a deal. it's so, I don't mean to minimize it, but looking back, I'm able to see that outside of it, the relationships I have, and I could get any other job. It's just, I wish I had that somewhat. I mean, I did have people in my life, but I wish that looking back, I could have been like, my God, why am I doing this? Like, why am I letting these people treat me this poorly when I can just go get another job?
Yeah, I hear and I think, I know I can personally connect to when my enoughness, when how much I think I matter or my value has been tied to my role and making, like my good job is like the direct correlate to my enoughness. just, it's almost impossible to feel.
Laurel (31:06.062)
like we matter in a way that is healthy. And yeah, I think the system sets us up for that. I completely agree that there are differences in perception for genders. And I will say like the transition out of school is really hard because for so many of us, for what? I 20, I don't know, it's not quite 20 years.
18, 19 years, we got an enoughness letter every 15 weeks or something like, hey, look, how's your enoughness doing? two A's and a B. Like, that's pretty good enoughness, right? Like, and my teacher commented that this paper was one of the best they've read. Like, I must be good. I must be. And so I don't know that we talk very much in our...
culture about how rough the transition is out of school into our first job. Like adulthood is no joke. I remember like having a complete breakdown in my first job out of graduate school, because I delayed it even longer than you, Brooke. I like went to school again, you know, and I just remember my mentor saying, you are supposed to be struggling.
You know, the difference in counseling is that we meet with someone regularly and tell them how we're doing, which I wish you had had. But you he just said like, this is hard. There is no template for how well you are. Like you have to figure that out. And now you're starting to see how much systemic
It's not even support. Like the rigidity of the system funneled you where the system wanted you to go. And now you're on your own and the system's like, it's done. Great. Like here's your next thing. Right. There's no A, there's no report card. Like the, the, what used to be an A is the minimum expectation and you get zero kudos for that. Maybe. I mean, maybe you get a little, and that's just so.
Laurel (33:20.898)
different and I think it crashes us into like, okay, who are we? How do I know that this is the right thing? Like if I don't have a job, you know, and then all these like things about what we think quitting means come up. mean, it's just a lot. And so, you know, I love that you're at a place where you can give that feedback of you matter, right? Like more than any job.
And I totally agree. And also, that's hard. That is a hard...
It was so hard for someone that, you know, traditionally in school was, like you said, deemed very successful. And then I felt like a failure. And I remember my my psychiatrist saying to me, Brooke, we're not going to go into another corporate job. She's like, I don't care if you're watering plants at Lowe's Home Improvement. She's like, I need you to find a low stress job to ease back into traditional norms.
and that ended up being working for an interior designer part-time and it ended up really shaping my life. But I say all that to say that your worth is not reflected in your paycheck. And I think that was a really hard thing for me coming from a university where my friends were mostly really traditionally successful with all these big jobs. And I wasn't at that point, or it felt like I wasn't. I felt like I had gone back to ground zero and...
That was really, really hard. And I still think to this day, I find so much worth and so much of my self identity in my quote unquote successful business. And that's hard. I can be hard sometimes.
Sydney (35:02.794)
And even just hearing you talk about your story, it's so valid. And I think everyone and every one of our listeners can connect to having an experience that just didn't go the way we'd wanted. But the fact about neuroscience is your brain doesn't really care. If something is working, your brain is going to continue to show up and act in the exact same way, even if it's performance-based, because it got you to that point.
And then life stresses us out to the point where we have to go back to adapting to survive and we need to do something different. And I hear that you had the wisdom in that moment, even if it felt like you were going through hell to show up in a different way because you had to, because what had been working for the last 20 years was no longer working.
Yeah, and mean, I think I have to give credit to my community in a sense that, know, it's all, I went through a, not intense, but about a year ago, I did six months of therapy to really learn more about why I am the way I am and why I make these decisions. And, you know, we did an exercise where it's, I'm sure you all are very familiar with this. I'm probably gonna butcher the terms, but it's like your three levels of being and how you get from like level three back to level one. And I was like, it's people.
And I think that in that time, I mean, my mom moved in with me, my sister, I was sitting on her porch, like scratching my skin off. I was so anxious and she's one that wrote the resignation and sent it in for me. And my girlfriend's just so rallied around me and, you know, my now husband. And it's like, when I didn't have the strength to do it myself, they were able to step in and do it for me or push me in the right direction.
Well, and one of the beautiful things is we can get lost in community. And I say that in like such a positive way. Like they are there. We can just be ourselves at every point in our lives. And I hear like, you've got a pretty strong community around you and have most of your life.
Brooke (37:06.914)
Yeah, yeah. And I think it's all about to, mean, Laurel probably knows this about me and she probably realized this within 10 minutes of meeting me. I wanna get straight to like the meat and potatoes of the conversation. Like I wanna get to know you, I wanna get to know your deepest, darkest fears. I wanna know how I can support you. Like I am not interested in why you chose your nail color. And so I feel like sometimes it's a little bit too much for people, but I've learned that that's not for everyone and that's okay.
But I will attract and connect with the people that also want to get to that really deep level of connection quickly because that's what fills their cup
Yeah, so I hear like two things and I want to highlight them because one of the beautiful things about listening to you today, Brooke, is that you're sharing some deep, dark moments, but they're not with shame, right? There's no shame around it. And I would guess that you did a lot of work to, you know, work with your part of self that didn't reach out for help or had to quit it. And, know, but it's like, you told that story not from a place of like, my gosh, shame-based.
from a place of like celebrating the people that were there for you. And so I think that's really significant. And, you know, people are looking for tangible things they can do, like look at your story, the places where you're still holding on to shame, meaning I am bad, and look around at the people that were there, because I would guess if you looked at the situation through their eyes, they would tell it very differently. It wouldn't ever be Brooke was bad. It would be...
This person who is important to me struggled and they let me help and that was courageous and that was brave and like we are closer than we ever were because they offered me this opportunity to connect with them and You know, then the second is You have learned to pay attention to your anxiety much earlier anxiety is not something to be mad at to get
Laurel (39:07.148)
try and avoid, is such a useful piece of information and it shows up to mobilize us. It activates our nervous system to give us the chemical, the neurotransmitters, the hormones to say, something different. The problem is it's kind of like a toddler and it gets louder and louder. And if you don't give it the snack it's asking for, it'll get quiet. And then you realize like the entire pantry has come down and you know, like it's, doesn't go away. It needs.
someone to pay attention to it, or it's going to then stack it up to like maybe call 911 ambulance because it tried to do it itself. And so I love that you are mindful of that and aware. And I think that's just the other piece of wisdom is the thing that we thought was the problem is actually our body and our brain's way of trying to help us. And so if we look at it early,
as a clue, as a hint, as a helper, it can really help us avoid it becoming a problem. And I think that your story shows that, yeah, you had it, but you learned from that lesson. You're not here to have that happen to you again. And that's really beautiful to me. So thank you for sharing that. And I hope other people can.
find places where they've done the same thing for themselves. And how do you grow and nurture those parts of you that helped you connect, helped you get out of the situation and let you know you're never going to do that same thing again? Cause it doesn't work for you. And that to me is like the really good stuff. And it doesn't mean that other people, you think other people shouldn't do it. It has nothing to do with other people to your point Brooke. It has to do with the fact that it's not for you. And you can say that proudly. So I just love
all these little nuggets of wisdom and to close, I would love to hear as you scan over all this that you did with us today, what's standing out to you like, or rising to the top as a message that you either wanna just say out loud or take with you?
Brooke (41:20.834)
Yeah, I love all of that. I think that it's so important to get out of your own bubble and to, you know, sometimes our problems feel so heavy or a day feels really heavy and to remember what's really important. I think also one thing that I haven't even mentioned is when I went through that dark time, you know, I was put on antidepressants and I feel like...
They make my highs, they make me more even. My lows aren't so low. Nothing feels like it's too big. And not that medication is for everyone, but just to say like, it's okay to need the support and the way my doctor would always describe to me. She's like, it's just chemicals. We're just fixing a chemical imbalance. Like it doesn't mean you're not strong or anything like that. So I say all that to say,
I think asking for help and asking for support is sometimes really scary and it can feel like you're not enough or you made a mistake. But I know speaking for me personally, when someone in my life asked me for help, I'm like, my God, they trust me enough to let me in and let me support them during this time. So I think, I mean, the overall theme is that when you feel like things are really heavy, you've got to let people in and you've got to let the people that love you, love you and support you.
because you can't do it all alone. And what is life if we're gonna do it all alone? I mean, whether it's your dogs or your grandma or your coworker, whoever it is that feels safe to you and feels like they can help support you through a time is just so.
I love hearing you beautifully put all that into a takeaway message because really it is like when life gets heavy, we recognize it and we let other people carry some of the weight.
Sydney (43:09.192)
And I personally, know Laurel feels the same way. Like we just want to thank you for sharing your experiences and your story and helping share a little bit about what makes your brain so unique and how you got here because your brain is a beautiful thing and it does everything we need it to do. And it is one of the things we can count on that will keep showing up for us. And I know our listeners will be able to connect with what you've said because I connected so much with your story.
And I just want to thank you again for sharing this time with Laurel and I.
Yeah, thank you. guys are so, it's so interesting, your perspective, and I've loved getting to know Laurel over the past six, eight months and now getting to know you, Sydney, today. And just seeing the connections that you all make that I would never make. And when you make them, I'm like, oh, duh, it right there in front of me. How did that not realize that?
Well, kind of to wrap up our hour here together, one of the beautiful things that really was kind of this theme and undertone about today is balance. Right, Laurel and I chose to host this podcast, The Why We Are, through our institute, the Whole Brain Institute. And really, that's about balance. It's about both sides of both hemispheres of your brain balancing each other out.
And I'm not sure if you picked up on this or if our listeners have, but one of the reasons I love Laurel so much is we balance each other out. Berlene thinks in all the ways mine doesn't. And I can't speak for her, but I like to think some of my strengths are areas in which Laurel has no interest. Balance is really what we're here to try to instill. So thank you so much. And we look forward to everyone getting to hear your story.
Laurel (44:42.926)
100%.
Brooke (44:55.938)
Thank you guys.
Thanks.
